Blog post number one

Blog post number one...

Don't really know what to say here... hello?

I've thought about what to do for a first blog post for a while. Months even. I've had several blogs but either never posted anything, or I forgot the name/password/email. The problem with me is: I'm lazy. I am fully aware of this. I've had depression for about 6 years now, and it's not that bad. I mean, it's not a walk in a lovely part of Hyde Park, no. It changes between months, some months it will be very bad and I won't see the point in anything, I won't care about many things, but others it will be very mild and it's like I'm almost normal. I'm due to go into counselling soon but I don't know what that's going to be like... I'm not the most talkative when it comes to me. And I've never really had to do it. (I am aware I don't "have" to do it now, but I think I want to). I've never really spoken about what made me depressed, maybe because it's too hard or maybe because I never thought anyone really cared enough to know.

Either way, I need to kick my arse into gear and actually do something about it. I've done it before, I've been so low I didn't think there was any point in anything, but I came back from that - it is possible. You see, my mum had a slight drinking problem (I say slight but it was slightly more than slight) and when she's drinking solitary she gets agressive. My dad didn't live with us and my sister was always of the house, I had to deal with her jibes and criticisms alone. I'm not looking for pity, that's if anyone is reading this. Which I highly doubt. I don't even know how this blogger website works. Silly I know.

In regards to my name: nameless wanderer. It feels like it suits. My real name doesn't really feel like it should be my name. I don't know why but when someone calls me by it, it just seems really out of place. But so does every other name I've come across. I'm just going to be nameless because that seems to suit more than anything else. For the latter part, I don't actually feel like I have a home where I live, but only when I'm moving, travelling, I feel at home. Which is a bit strange but that's just when I feel at peace and at home.

This blog is just of me, my highs, my lows, my adventures and, most likely, my annoyances. I was going to do it about my struggle with depression but depression is now such a deep part of who I am it would be hard to just separate that from other aspects. There is also more to me than depression, and I'd like to show that people with mental illnesses (although not 100% "normal") aren't soppy marshmallows, just shells of people. Obviously I've had depression for such a large amount of my life that I can't quite remember what it was like without depression and even so that wouldn't have counted because I was quite young. If there is anyone reading this, thank you. I hope it wasn't too boring, but if you got to this point you may have just liked it. I don't really know how you're meant to end these things... so I'll just end it here.